Over two decades ago I was told by a doctor that I would probably never be able to have children. At the time having children wasn't high on my agenda. I've always felt that the earth's downfall will be overpopulation given the diminishing resources upon which we rely. Not adding to the burden felt like the right thing to do.
As the years passed, I began to realise that there was an empty space in my life. Friends were getting married and having families. I adore babies. And as bizarre as it sounds, crying babies don't upset me. So I became the auntie who was called in to help with colicky, teething babies. The mothers were always grateful for the break but it got more and more difficult to hear how great my life was because I could come over and play with the babies then hand them back at the end of the evening. Why did everyone assume I didn't want the joy of being awakened by a child's cry at 2am? That sort of parental duty never struck me as being a chore.
When my husband and I were married, he was aware of my lack of my fertility and knew we had a limited window of opportunity to pursue IVF. We wanted children but didn't want to rush into parenthood haphazardly, so we decided to let fate have some hand in our decision. Big mistake!
Sadly, we did not have the resources early in our relationship to try IVF. When we raised funds a couple of years later for 2-3 attempts, we were advised that my odds of conceiving were so low that the fertility doctor did not recommend exposing my body to the risks. Fate had spoken loudly and clearly.
The idea of adopting is one I had always liked, and thankfully my husband was also in favour of the concept. We researched our options and decided about six years ago to adopt from China. I started gathering information about the process when fate reared its ugly head again with the emergence of SARS, which temporarily halted adoption from China. Just as the threat of SARS had passed, my husband's employer modified his job to include overseas travel--a LOT of overseas travel. He was on a plane or in a hotel over 80% of the time, making a homestudy nearly impossible to do. We decided to postpone adopting until life was a little more stable, as it wouldn't be fair to bring an infant into the turmoil brought on by his travels. Unfortunately, his job took him overseas for the majority of the following three years, until he decided to make a career change.
Finally, we were at a point where we could start the adoption process and become a family! We contacted several agencies and decided upon one particular agency. We requested paperwork but rang to let them know that we would be moving once our home at that time had sold. The agency asked us not to apply until we had moved because it would cause a nightmare with our paperwork. Fate had struck again! This was late 2005. Instead, we applied 18 months later (2007), once we had finally sold our property and were were settled into our new home. Amusingly, we will probably move again in the next 12 months. And talk about hindsight--if only I had known in 2005 what I know now!
We have a 2008 LID. There is much speculation at the moment that those who have LIDs as late as ours may never receive a referral, or that referral may take 8 years. And I am not young. IVF has come a long way in the last decade, but my IVF window is closed. And I have aged out of many adoption programmes. We are waiting and hoping for what may be our only child.
I need to believe that life has something positive in store for us. We have so much love to share with a child, so much to give and teach. We're watching and living and learning and taking in all we can in order to pass that experience on to our child, our bond. We need faith, rather than fate, to guide us on this journey.
